Summer 2002

I have been working as a labor nurse in a downtown Chicago community hospital for a few months now, having finished my nursing degree this spring. Despite the many lovely midwife attended births here, my heart still longs for Casa during most of my shifts. Often I find myself daydreaming of my fondest memories during those intense two months, and hoping that someday I’ll be able to fully implement the ideals I developed during my stay in my own midwifery practice.

Working as a nurse is much harder having first been to Casa. While experiencing out-of-hospital birth has been immensely valuable for developing insight, it, however has become challenging upon returning to medical management. This makes my remembrance of Casa bittersweet. One sweet because I can still dream of the amazing day I saw a breech birth, and the time when I caught a baby from a mom squatting at the bedside, giggling with joy as her baby emerged. This, in addition to the countless supported, natural births of which I was privileged to take part. But now that I know what is possible, the lack of need for the routines and dangerous medicines, it makes life in the hospital all the more bitter to experience– and I can often feel like a failure as a nurse, powerless to stop it most of the time. I noticed the difference right away, as I realized that fewer mothers and fathers happily / exhaustively cried at the sight of their child, like they did so often at Casa. I realized that when all you have at Casa is a room full of supportive, knowing people to receive a new life, the humanity can run richer, un-anaesthetized.

Yes, you need a thick skin to survive at Casa. It is not always rosy, but in my experience that is no different from any other busy birth environment. When you make it through however, the experience will live on as you begin to educate others of your experience. I still revel in the disbelief in nurses’ and doctors’ faces when I tell them about castor oil/ cohosh inductions instead of Pitocin, Gelsemium instead of Cervidil, or a warm shower and love instead of an epidural.

As I start the nurse-midwifery program soon, I cling to the images of Casa for inspiration, as I hope to open an urban birth center like Casa someday. Clearly, Casa is not just a place for the homebirth midwife to get experience. It is for all midwives and birth professionals who seek knowledge and breadth of experience. Despite my personal frustrations now, I did gain tremendous clinical and language skills alongside a philosophy of care from which I believe most hospital based birth could benefit. I pray that it will make a difference for women I serve no matter where they choose to birth.

Peace.